


Like I'm Gonna Lose You

by GoldenTruth813



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 04:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenTruth813/pseuds/GoldenTruth813
Summary: Teddy realises he's completely, dangerously in love with James. Or, the one where they fuck each other's brains out upstairs while the roast is cooking.





	Like I'm Gonna Lose You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shiftylinguini](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiftylinguini/gifts).



> This is a birthday fic for shifty who is all kinds of wonderful, the reason I love Jeddy, and just an amazing person and friend.
> 
> Thank you aibidil for the wonderful beta and summary help!
> 
> Credit for the line "Potter's can't subterfuge for shit" goes to GingerTodgers and her amazing Jeddy drabble you can [read here](http://gingertodgers.tumblr.com/post/168296644565/hey-lovely-if-the-secret-santa-is-still-open). The line was so good it stayed in my brain for months and when I realized I'd written the exact same line as GT she was so gracious and let me keep it here but all credit for that witty perfection is hers! <3

As far as afternoons at the Potters’ went, the day was fairly typical. Albus and Scorpius were curled up on the edge of the sofa in the living room, a massive book spread out before them as they pointed and whispered at things as if they were the only two in the room, which Teddy supposed, as far as they were both concerned, they were. Lily was at the kitchen table, practicing her charmwork, and James was still missing—torn away for a last minute practice with the team when their reserve Beater was unexpectedly called up for the first time, requiring James and the rest of the team to hold an extra practice in anticipation of the upcoming game.

Harry and Ginny were in the kitchen, their laughter ringing through the open window as the smell of Sunday roast wafted out enticingly. And Teddy, well Teddy was nursing his second Guinness and gazing up at the fluttering leaves as the late afternoon summer breeze drifted through the trees. The air was warm, almost stifling today, but the shade of the tree and the comfort of the hammock he was cocooned in had Teddy drifting somewhere between relaxation and an almost-dreamlike sleep. He felt blissfully content, limbs heavy and relaxed and his heart light as he let his arm dangle over the edge of the hammock, dropping his empty beer bottle to the grass and closing his eyes.

Teddy wasn’t sure how much has time had passed, or if he’d actually fallen asleep, just knew he was no longer alone because the sudden movement of the hammock startled him.

“Bloody fuck,” a familiar voice grumbled, and Teddy didn’t need to open his eyes to know who it belonged to.

“You’re about as subtle as a brick wall,” Teddy laughed, words thick as honey as they slid from his tongue.

Beside him James laughed, apparently giving up his attempts at surprise and simply collapsing on top of Teddy, making the hammock swing from side to side swiftly with the added weight. Teddy grabbed hold of James instinctually, eyes flying open to be greeted with a face full of teeth and a crinkly eyed smile. Teddy’s heart flipped, feeling somehow tighter and looser all at once.

“I was trying _not_ to wake you,” James murmured, tracing Teddy’s jawline with his blunt fingertips.

Teddy hummed at the reassuring presence of James’s body above him. James’s hair was still damp—evidence of the fact that he’d just showered before coming out, well that and the fact that he was not in his kit but rather one of Teddy’s old shirts and a pair of jeans that were so worn the denim felt soft as butter on a warm day. Small rivulets of water dripped down the side of his neck to join with the freckles below his Adam’s apple. “Potters can’t subterfuge for shit, Jamie.”

James laughed heartily, his chest rumbling against Teddy’s. “Didn’t need to subterfuge to get you,” he said confidently, dropping his face to the crook of Teddy’s neck and nuzzling it with his nose.

Teddy let his fingers slide underneath the hem of James’s shirt, the soft cotton sliding up his sun-warmed skin with ease as Teddy traced up and down his spine. James mewled at the touch, making a needy sound as he exhaled that went straight to Teddy’s cock. “You’re like a fucking kneazle.”

“Bloody well am— _oh_ ,” James huffed, words dying on parted lips when Teddy’s finger’s changed direction without warning and began to skim along the top of his boxers that were peeking out above the waistband of his jeans. James always wore his jeans a size too big, so they fell low on his hips, the flat planes of his stomach and sharp angles of his hip bones on full display when he had no shirt on, or if he did have one on then showing off the tan strip of skin when he would lift his arms high in an exaggeratedly long stretch, his eyes always focused on Teddy in mock innocence. If Teddy didn’t know better he’d say it was an accident, but Teddy did know better and it was definitely no accident—James wanted people look, wanted _Teddy_ to look.

Teddy didn’t feel quite so sleepy anymore, body thrumming with arousal with James above him—James’s legs bracketing his body and his arse atop Teddy’s hips, the hammock swallowing them in a cocoon of arousal that Teddy welcomed. Fuck, he’d missed James. It’d only been three days since Teddy had seen him and Teddy was almost embarrassed at the way his body responded, fingers desperate and cock aching with James above him like this—soft, warm smiles meant only for Teddy.

“Missed you,” James whispered as if reading his mind, dropping his head to join their lips together in a searing kiss. James was an amazing kisser, full of more finesse and delicacy than Teddy could have ever imagined. And boy, had Teddy imagined it. Many times.

James had barely been out of school for two weeks before Teddy realised that resisting him was a losing battle.

It’d all started not long after James had turned seventeen and gone from an awkward sixteen-year-old blushing whenever he saw Teddy to a confident seventeen-year-old winking when he saw him instead.

Teddy’d been so shocked the first time James had flirted with him, over the Christmas holidays, that he’d done the most ill-planned thing conceivable and _flirted back_. The intake of breath and red flush that had spread across James’s cheeks at his bold words had been worth the unplanned risk—it’d been intoxicating—and despite Teddy’s assertions that it would never happen again, it did.

Teddy tried to assuage his guilt by reminding himself that James was technically an adult and a bit of playful flirting never hurt anyone. Nothing was going to come of it. Just a bit of innuendo and flirting over tall glasses of mulled cider while standing beside the Christmas tree sparkling with fairy lights. He’d damn near kept his promise that nothing would happen too, at least until New Year’s Eve, when James had cornered him at the Potter’s annual party with a shot of firewhiskey and a familiar glint of bravery in his eyes, whispering _“Happy New Year, Teddy”_ right as the clock struck midnight.

Teddy had been unbelievably close to kissing him then—to letting his hands cradle the back of James’s neck and pull him closer—so close to taking the plunge and giving in to his desires. But Harry’s loud cheer of _“Happy New Year!”_ had started him from his reverie, reminding him that he was seconds away from kissing his godbrother just feet from his not-too-drunk-to-not-notice godfather and every single one of James’s family members. His godbrother, who was going back to school soon. His godbrother, who was close enough to being family that Teddy could ruin everything if things went wrong. His godbrother, who was, despite being of age, probably too young to know what he really wanted.

James’s eyes had filled with disappointment but he’d shuttered it away with a smile like he always did, plucking the shot from Teddy’s hands and downing it in one gulp. James’s tongue had darted out to lick the liquor from his upper lip and Teddy’d had to shove his hands in his pockets to stop from reaching out. He’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted James in that moment.

“That was mine,” Teddy had uttered in shock but James had just shrugged, an unreadable look in his eyes as he whispered, “Things only stay yours if you choose to keep them.” Then he’d turned, thrown his arm around Albus’s shoulder, and began laughing loudly.

Teddy spent the rest of the party simultaneously feeling as if he might suffocate in the throng of Potters and Weasleys crowding the living room and feeling more alone than he had in years.

The next morning James had gone back to school, busy with N.E.W.T.s preparation and Quidditch but still somehow managing to send Teddy his regular weekly letters just like he always had for the last seven years. Even when Teddy had been rubbish at replying to them, every Friday without fail, James’s owl had shown up, - and though the letters weren’t any longer than they'd ever been, the words somehow felt heavier.

By the time James finally left Hogwarts a few months later, Teddy almost thought maybe he’d dreamed it all. James didn’t act any differently towards him when he went with Harry to pick him and Albus and Lily up from Platform 9 ¾, hugging Teddy tightly and laughing and joking the entire way home. He didn’t act any differently over dinner, still acting like a pain in the arse and chucking a bread roll at Teddy’s face when he wasn’t listening and eating the last bite of strawberry trifle off Teddy’s plate without asking.

Work had been slow enough those first few weeks of summer that he’d found himself popping round to visit Harry most evenings to engage in their usual tradition of beer, crisps, and the wireless. Of course now that James was out of school, he joined them too, collapsing on the sofa between Teddy and his dad and casually throwing his legs over Teddy’s lap—stealing his dad’s crisps and a chug of Teddy’s Guinness with an easy smile. And that was the thing about James, he made _everything_ seem easy. Everything James did, he did with a breathtaking conviction that made questioning his actions or inconceivable. He made living look easy. He made wanting Teddy seem easy. And fuck it all if Teddy didn’t find wanting him back easy, too. It was acting on those feelings that Teddy was having trouble with.

James had sat there on the sofa, leaning against his dad’s shoulder with his eyes trained on Teddy the entire time, his left hand discreetly hidden beneath a sofa cushion as it worked its way towards Teddy, his fingertips hesitantly stroking the small bit of exposed skin between Teddy’s jeans and his shirt. Teddy’d flushed at the contact, the air becoming thick and heavy and his entire body burning from a simple touch. It wasn’t as if James hadn’t touched him before, James was always touching him, but never like _this—_ never in a way that felt so intentional, so laced with possibilities.

Then just as suddenly as the contact had started, James had stopped, stretching his arms out to nick the crisp out of his dad’s hand and winking at Teddy.

After that, Teddy had found excuses to come over daily. He needed Harry’s opinion on a report for work. He was out of sugar for his tea. He’d run out of tea. He was too tired to cook. He needed to borrow a book from Albus. The excuses got weaker as his desire got stronger.

If anyone noticed the increase in Teddy’s visits to the Potter household, they didn’t say anything. And yet all the same Teddy had still felt torn up inside, at war with what he felt was the responsible thing to do in this situation and the reality of what he wanted—James.

James was magnetic—vibrant and effervescent in a world that was otherwise mediocre—and wanting him felt as natural as breathing. The thing was, Teddy wasn’t used to taking what he wanted. Luckily for Teddy, James was.

James, who flocked to Teddy when he came around with easy conversation or companionable silence depending on the day and Teddy’s mood. James, who was always ready with an open ear to listen to Teddy complain about his long hours at work or try to distract him with an animated retelling of something that had happened to him recently. Through it all James never once asked why Teddy was always so close to him but not close enough. Teddy could see the question burning in James eyes— _what are you waiting for?—_ but he never pushed.

They went on like that for weeks, dancing around each other in a heady haze of desire and barely veiled flirtation.

Teddy didn’t know what he was waiting for and he knew James didn’t know either. So Teddy felt rather taken off guard when, just before stepping through the Floo to head back home on a late Friday night when the rest of the Potter household was already asleep, all it’d taken was a quietly uttered “ _See you tomorrow, Teddy_ ” from James for Teddy to pull his left foot back out of the fireplace. He’d spun around and looked at James and known with complete clarity he couldn’t go another moment without kissing him. It hadn’t even been a conscious decision on his part, one minute he was staring at James and the next his wand was falling to the floor with a clatter as he strode across the kitchen and cradled James’s face between his hands and kissed him as if his life depended on it.

Looking back, Teddy couldn’t even say what exactly it had been about that moment. James had been wearing an old pair of flannel pyjama bottoms that clashed with his hideous orange Cannons shirt—the one with a hole near the neck that Ron had given him years ago—and his hair was still a disaster, sticking up on only one side, from the impromptu nap he’d taken on Teddy’s shoulder that afternoon. Teddy’d known for a long time James was attractive, it was an undeniable reality, but the need to kiss James hadn't been about his looks but rather his demeanour—the quiet way he was there, waiting for Teddy to be ready to want him back. James was never quiet and he was never patient, but he was now. He was for Teddy.

Something about the way his name had sounded falling from James’s lips—both heavy and soft in James’s rumpled state—had tugged at a spot deep inside of Teddy, somewhere buried deep inside where he’d let his own desires fall down and burrow into the dark, pushed aside for far too long.

In that moment, something about having to say goodbye to James had shattered Teddy in the most unexpected way. He’d realised he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to James—that he wanted to spend every single moment he could with him.

James’s obvious surprise at Teddy’s lips upon his own had lasted only a few seconds before he’d grabbed onto Teddy’s forearms like a dying man clinging to a lifeline. “Teddy,” he’d whispered, as if it were the answer to a question Teddy hadn’t known he was asking.

That’d been nearly three weeks ago and Teddy still couldn’t get enough of James, didn’t think he would ever get enough of James.

“You’re doing it again,” James laughed, crinkling his nose at Teddy playfully and dropping his forehead to rest against Teddy’s. His breathing was slow and even, relaxed.

“Hmmm, doing what?” Teddy asked, hands still lazily touching as much of James’s bare skin as he could reach.

“ _Staring_ ,” James laughed again, the tops of his cheeks flushing. It never failed to amuse Teddy that for someone who wanted so much bloody attention, James could be surprisingly bashful when he got it unsolicited. “You’re teasing me,” he added when Teddy’s pointer finger slipped beneath the waistband of his pants, dipping down to drag along the top of his arse.

“Not teasing if I plan to follow through,” Teddy replied in earnest, delighting in James’s quiet intake of breath.

Teddy’s finger dipped into the crack of James’s arse and James groaned loudly, the sound carrying across the garden and mingling with the sounds of Harry and Ginny talking in the kitchen.

“Quiet, sweetheart,” Teddy said, lifting his finger to press it James’s parted lips.

James glanced over at the house, his parents heads both visible through the window before he fixed his eyes back on Teddy without blinking as he opened his mouth and sucked Teddy’s finger into his mouth, his warm lips wrapping around the digit. James hollowed his cheeks and sucked down to the base of his finger, making small noises of appreciation as he did it.

Teddy’s finger brushed along the back of James’s throat and James made a needy sound, his tongue moving to envelop Teddy’s finger as he sucked harder, lavishing attention on it as if it were Teddy’s cock, moaning as he sucked and never letting his eyes leave Teddy’s.

“ _Fuck_ , Jamie.”

James finally blinked, releasing Teddy’s finger and letting it fall from his mouth as he sucked in a deep breath. “That’s the idea. Want you to fuck me, Teddy.”

Teddy groaned. James was so forward, always had been. He’d been saying the same thing for weeks, ever since their first kiss. And just as before with that first kiss, Teddy couldn’t say what exactly he was waiting for. He knew James wanted him, that much was abundantly clear both from his bold declarations and the needy way he was now rutting against Teddy, his cock hard and leaking against the front of his jeans, making the hammock swing from side to side with his movements.

Teddy started to turn his head towards the house but James put his hands on Teddy’s face, directing his gaze back to him. “No one’s looking,” James insisted, as if sensing Teddy’s worries.

It wasn’t as if the Potters didn’t know he and James were, well, doing whatever it was they were doing, what with Harry having come downstairs for a glass for milk that first night they'd kissed to find Teddy had his son shoved against the fridge, his hands up his shirt, his nails grazing along James’s nipple and making James emit a particularly loud moan right as Harry had coughed loudly to make his presence known. Teddy wasn’t sure whose face had been reddest that night.

Despite Teddy’s apprehension, Harry had been surprisingly understanding about it all, insisting that he was neither as old nor as blind as his children seemed to think he was and that he’d seen it coming for a long time. Of course, there was a difference between Harry knowing Teddy was seeing James and knowing he was fucking him—or wanted to, anyway, they hadn’t actually got around to the fucking part yet.

“Can you... _fuck_ —just touch me,” James begged, reaching for Teddy’s hand and prying it off his hip to urge it lower. “We don’t have to do more yet. I can wait. Fuck, Teddy, just touch me. _Please_.”

Teddy complied easily, his long fingers cupping the bulge in James’s jeans. The material was soft and thin and he could feel James’s cock twitch at the friction as he pressed his palm against it firmly before moving his hand down to lightly squeeze at James’s balls. James shuddered above him, his mouth falling open and his tongue darting out—pink and wet—to lick at his bottom lip.

Teddy’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of James above him, so responsive, so willing. Teddy knew he could bring him off right here like this, knew all it would take was for him to shove the jeans down enough to get his hand inside, knew what sounds he would make as Teddy pulled him off and the way his forehead would furrow right before he came. Fuck, it would be so easy to make James lose control right here, out in the open. It should’ve made his erection wilt but something about the idea made Teddy’s cock even harder.

“James, how long until dinner is ready?” Teddy asked, still fondling James’s cock.

James shot Teddy an incredulous look as if to say _really_ , shaking his head. “Not hungry.”

Teddy removed his hand from James’s cock and ignored his noise of protest. “How long do you think it’ll be until dinner is ready, Jamie?”

James wrinkled his nose and sighed. “Dunno. Mum was just checking the roast and starting on the yorkshire pudding. Maybe an hour.” He dropped his hands down on his thighs almost petulantly, making Teddy laugh.

“I think we have enough time then,” Teddy said smoothly, and before James could open his mouth to ask what for, Teddy wrapped his arm around James's waist and Disapparated them with an audible _pop_.

Seconds later they crashed down on James’s bed, several of the many bed pillows James usually slept with falling to the floor as James blinked at him in surprise. “We’re in the house. We’re in _my_ bedroom.”

Teddy shook his head in the briefest of nods as he pressed James’s shoulder back against the mattress and ran his hands down James’s chest, arousal thrumming through him at the way James compiled so willingly, laying back and arching his hips, responding so eagerly to Teddy’s every touch.

“That’s right, Jamie. We’re in _your_ room. We needed a bed for what I had in mind, at least the first time.”

“For— _oh_ ,” James breathed, fingers tightening their hold on Teddy’s biceps. “ _Fuck_.”

“Yes, that’s the general idea,” Teddy answered, glad James didn’t ask why he’d chosen to Apparate them to James’s room—the sounds of the others filtering up the stairs and through the closed door— instead of his own flat.

Certainly Teddy’s flat would have been more private. Safer. It clearly would have been the smarter, more logical choice but Teddy had learned long ago that he was neither smart nor logical when James was involved.

When Teddy had closed his eyes to Disapparate them all he could picture was James’s room, _James’s bed_. He didn’t want to admit how much he wanted to fuck James here, in the place James slept every night, amongst the sheets that smelled of James, like fresh air and the citrusy soap he liked and an undercurrent of sex—because James was eighteen and probably wanked all the bloody time still and fuck did that mental image do things to Teddy, thinking about James lying here in this bed and closing his eyes as he wrapped his own hand around his cock and pulled himself off while thinking about Teddy—the way Teddy longed to be surrounded by James’s presence in every single way possible the first time he fucked James.

Teddy yearned to press his cock inside of James—feel the tight, warm pressure of James’s arse around him—until James couldn’t think of anything except Teddy. Until James could think of nothing except Teddy’s cock moving in and out of his body in the hopes that when James closed his eyes he’d be unable to ever rid himself of the memory of Teddy the same way Teddy could never get James out his mind.  
Teddy moved his hands lower, hooking his thumbs under the hem of James’s shirt and rucking it up to his chest as he dropped his mouth to James’s stomach, delighting in the way James’s muscles quivered beneath his tongue as he mapped the skin with his mouth.

“ _Teddy_ ,” James groaned, his hands floundering to take hold, sliding through Teddy’s hair and eventually settling on his shoulders when Teddy dipped his tongue into the hollow of James’s belly button.

Teddy’s amusement was overpowered out by arousal as James spread his legs wider making room for Teddy to fall between them easily—as if he were always meant to be there.

Teddy lifted his head, moving to rest his chin in the middle of James’s stomach and reaching up to graze his knuckles down the curve of James’s cheek. “Are you sure you’re ready? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

James made a snorting noise. “For fuck’s sake, just because I haven’t done it before doesn’t mean I’m not sure I want to. I swear to Merlin, Teddy, if you try to back out—” but before he could finish, Teddy darted his head forward to silence him with a kiss.

Teddy’d been pleased to find out at least one guaranteed way to get James to stop talking. When he pulled out of the kiss, James’s chest heaved, his eyes closed and his cheeks flushed. He was beautiful.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop at any time. I mean it.”

James inhaled deeply before opening his eyes and looking at Teddy with the same kind of determination he used to have in his eyes when he’d follow Teddy around at Hogwarts begging to hang out with him and his friends—a look that said he didn’t want to be seen as younger, he just wanted to be seen as _James_.

“Right,” Teddy said, a slow grin spreading over his face. “I’m going to fuck you so good you won’t remember anything but my name. Think you’re ready for that, sweetheart?”

James made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, his chest shuddering as he spread his legs wider and nodded his head once before dropping his head back onto his pillow and moving his hands to the buttons on his jeans.

Teddy, however, pushed his hand away, gently murmuring, “Let me.”

For once James didn’t argue, didn’t move, he simply lay there—the rapid rise and fall of his chest the only indication that he was close to losing control as Teddy’s nimble fingers unfastened the button and then the zipper. James lifted his hips obligingly, eyes focused on Teddy’s fingers as they hooked under the waistband of his pants and jeans. Teddy tugged them down, James’s cock springing free and slapping against his stomach.

“Off,” Teddy instructed, helping James tug off the shirt next, tossing it on the floor with the rest of his clothing. Teddy’s fingertips glided down James’s body and, James’s responding shivers reverberated through his own body. It couldn’t possibly be normal to want someone this much. Teddy’d thought being able to kiss James, touch him, might stop him from feeling as if he were losing his mind every time he was near James. But instead, it was worse because now Teddy knew exactly what James looked like moments before he fell apart, knew what his lips tasted like, knew what it felt like to have James’s warm, strong body rutting desperately against him. And fuck, but it was exhilarating.

“You have too many bloody clothes on,” James complained, hands fumbling to get Teddy’s jeans open.

Teddy was tempted to help him when James cursed at the button that wouldn’t come undone, but instead he sat back on his heels and _waited_. He watched as James’s tongue darted out to lick at the corner of his lip and he finally got the button open, pushing the jeans down and grinning impishly at Teddy as Teddy shifted and allowed James to undress him—trying to find some way to even the playing field, trying to make himself vulnerable to James in the only way he knew how—as James finished pulling the jeans off along with his boxers.

James’s movements seemed impossibly slow, his hands caressing up Teddy’s thighs, his calloused thumbs dragging along the soft planes of Teddy’s stomach before he grabbed ahold of the hem of his shirt. Teddy lifted his arms obligingly, feeling all the breath leave his lungs as James hauled it off.

For a few seconds everything seemed to stand still, Teddy’s ears buzzing and his heart racing as they stared at each other. Then James’s fingers grazed down the side of his neck and something in Teddy _snapped_ as he crashed his lips to James’s and collapsed on top of him, their bodies becoming a tangle of arms and legs and Teddy didn’t know who was louder just knew he couldn’t stop touching James if he wanted to, felt drawn to him like a comet orbiting around the sun, desperate for its radiance.

Teddy’d never understood what James loved about flying. James had tried to explain it to him once, the way he felt like he was on top of the world, the rush of adrenaline—how it made James feel both powerful and powerless to soar so high. Right then though, Teddy thought he finally understood. He silently cast a series of preparation and lubrication charms at James’s arse, then one at his hands, rubbing the thick lube together before sliding his pointer finger inside of James, eyes drinking in the way James arched and ears memorising the quiet keening sounds he made, and Teddy thought he had never felt more powerful, or powerless.

Teddy wasn’t new to sex, or relationships. He’d flitted through enough of both in his twenty-four years—finding someone new as easily as he did hair colours, moving on to something new whenever the inclination struck. The ability to look like anything and anyone often left Teddy reeling, wondering if he’d ever know who or what he really wanted, from himself or someone else.

Teddy was perpetually chasing something just out of reach; problem was, for a long time he didn't know what that something was.

But here, _now_ , watching the emotions play across James’s face as he pressed a second finger into James’s body, crooking them up and twisting them until he found the pad of James’s prostrate—his own cock throbbing as James writhed beneath him—Teddy knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted James.

Teddy wanted James when he was mouthy and loud and doing his best to get every eye in a room on him, wanted James when he was moody and quiet and hugging the sofa cushions to his chest as if it might make him disappear. He wanted James when he was flying high, catching the Snitch and winning, wanted him when he was crash landing with a frown and losing. Teddy wanted James in all his vibrant, messy glory.

Teddy wanted James fucking _forever_.

“If you don’t fuck me right now I might literally fucking die,” James said breathlessly, the heels of his feet digging into Teddy’s back as Teddy continued moving his fingers in and out of James’s body, mesmerised by the sight of them disappearing into the tight heat of James’s arse.

Teddy understood then why he’d been holding back these last few weeks despite James practically begging for more since the first moment they’d kissed. Because Teddy knew the moment he fucked James, made him his in that one last way—even if virginity was some sort of societal construction, it still felt monumental for Teddy to take James’s—he knew he’d never be able to let him go. Teddy knew he’d be ruined for anyone else ever again.

Loving James was a bit like being in the eye of a storm—as thrilling as it was terrifying—and Teddy knew without a shred of doubt there wasn’t a single other place in the world he’d rather be than here with James.

James whined again, fingers tangling in Teddy’s hair as he tried to pull him up and this time Teddy let him, just as ready as James for the waiting to be over. James was as ready as he was going to get and Teddy wasn’t sure his heart would ever be completely ready, so he let James take control, let James reach down and grab ahold of Teddy’s cock with his left hand, guiding it to his entrance as James wrapped his legs around Teddy’s waist.

“Fuck, Jamie. _Fuck_ ,” Teddy breathed, dropping his forehead to James’s, overpowered with a sense of belonging that left him breathless as his cock breached the ring of muscle and began to slide in.

Teddy went slow, slower than he knew James wanted, hesitant to cause too much pain and selfishly trying to make the moment last as long as possible. James’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open in a strangled gasp, as if he were holding back.

“Breathe, love. Just breathe.”

James swallowed and exhaled a shuddering breath, his legs falling down to the bed as he released some of the tension in his body.

Once he was sure James was ready, Teddy began to move again, inch by inch disappearing inside James’s body until he was completely inside. Teddy’s hips pressed firmly against James’s arse, as deep as it was possible to go, James’s legs trembling.

Teddy hesitated to move, threading his fingers into James’s and guiding them back onto the bed on either side of James’s head as he kissed a trail across James’s collarbones and up his neck until his lips hovered just inches from James’s mouth.

“I love you, Teddy,” James whispered and Teddy felt wetness prickle at the corners of his eyes as he widened them trying to stave off the tears. It’d been years since Teddy cried. Teddy knew James loved him. Of course he knew it. How could he not know? James had made no secret of how he felt. His every action, his every word, had made it clear that Teddy meant _everything_ to him, and had for his entire fucking life. It was just that knowing it and hearing it were entirely different prospects.

Since he was six years old and James had come into his life— _“You’ll watch out for him, yeah?”_ Harry had breathed the day James was born, ruffling Teddy's hair and hugging him tightly—and Teddy had taken it to heart, had felt a surge of protectiveness for James that he’d never felt for anyone else. Teddy had spent his life making sure no one hurt James, wanting to protect him from the world even when he knew James didn’t need protection. And yet the gravity of the truth, of the fact that the one person who could hurt James more than anyone else in the entire world was him, was not lost on Teddy.

Teddy didn’t want to hurt James. Not now. Not ever. But humans weren’t infallible. Accidents happened, people died, and the idea of Teddy ever being the cause of James’s pain was almost too much to bear.

Teddy opened his mouth to answer James, but the words wouldn’t come. They were _right there_ —in his brain, in his heart—dancing on the tip of his tongue, but they wouldn't come out. Instead all that would come out was a broken sob that made Teddy feel so fucking small. James didn’t look upset though; no, James was smiling at him, that familiar private smile he reserved just for Teddy. The same smile that made Teddy feel as if James somehow saw something in Teddy behind all his facades and disguises and forced smiles that no one else had ever seen.

“I know, Teddy. _I know.”_ James’s fingers brushed the strands of hair out of Teddy’s eyes. It was blue as the ocean now, the same colour blue the sky had been the day Teddy had taught James how to swim. “You think I don’t fucking know?” and he then leaned up to kiss Teddy, tanging his fingers in Teddy’s hair and moving his hips, urging Teddy to move.

Teddy had spent months after their almost kiss agonising over what-ifs and missed chances, worried be might’ve somehow inadvertently influenced James’s desires, terrified of making James do something he might not want. Then they’d finally got together and still he’d spent weeks refusing to take this last step, afraid James wasn’t ready. But the truth was Teddy was the one who hadn’t been ready. Teddy’d been so worried about abusing his power he’d been blind to the fact that James was the one with all the power, always had been.

“I love you,” James repeated assuredly. So certain. So fucking certain.

It should’ve been terrifying, but instead Teddy felt a wild sense of freedom in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone in this, that James was just as gone, just as overcome—just as in love.

It was easy after that, finding a rhythm of hips moving and thrusting, moans mingling, and lips sliding against each other.

“Let go, Teddy,” James whispered, his nose nuzzled into the side of Teddy’s face. “ _Let go._ ”

And Teddy did. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall, let go of the fear of being too much, of not being enough, let go of the fear of taking advantage or being taken advantage of. Teddy hadn’t fully understood just how terrified he was of losing James until he let himself see that he had him.

James was his and he was James’s and, fuck, it was okay.

It’d been okay for a long fucking time.

Teddy kept moving, kept thrusting, until James’s hands dug into his arms, his hips flying off the bed and forcing Teddy even deeper as James came in long spurts between them, Teddy’s name falling from his lips.

Teddy pressed his face into James’s hair, closing his eyes and feeling James’s body quiver beneath him as he thrust once, then twice, before he felt the familiar tingling in the base of his spine and legs and felt his orgasm pulled from his body, filling James up as he held him tight.

Teddy wasn’t sure how long they laid there, neither of them willing to move, until there was a loud knock on the door. “Boys, dinner is ready,” Harry’s voice rang out.

James’s mouth opened and shut several times, his eyes wide, but before he could say anything Harry was speaking again from the other side of the closed door.

“And you’re both adults so I’m not going to say anything about what you’ve just done except that Albus is downstairs screaming to Scorpius about mental images and your mum has stepped into the garden for a spot of tea and,” Harry paused, coughing loudly, “you're also both wizards so try not to forget a Silencing Charm next time.”

“Fuck,” Teddy groaned, dropping his face into James’s neck as Harry’s footsteps got quieter. “I forgot the fucking privacy spell.”

Next time they were definitely doing this at Teddy’s flat.

Next time, Teddy thought, playfully nudging James’s face with his nose until James’s look of horror transformed into an amused grin.

“How about we clean up and have supper. Then after you can come back to my place.”

James’s lips turned up in a devilish smile as he rolled them over, straddling Teddy’s waist. “Oh yeah, what for?” James asked tracing a heart shape on Teddy’s chest.

“Mmm, I got to fuck you. It’s only fair if you get to fuck me.”

James’s hand stilled and he looked up at Teddy, eyes bright. Before Teddy could ask if James liked that idea, James crashed his lips against Teddy’s, making noises that had Teddy’s cock responding in an alarmingly fast manner.

Teddy reached over blindly at the bedside table, grabbed his wand, and silently cast a privacy charm.

Perhaps they could be a little late for supper.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](http://goldentruth813.tumblr.com/) <3


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